The Needy Girl

So far this blog has been a lot of relationship analysis, but let's be real, girls can overthink anything they so choose-- so let's shift gears-- and go more into advice starting with, How to Quit Being the Needy Girl.

How to Quit Being the Needy Girl

Girls tend to be on two ends of the spectrum, I pretend I am not needy or I am needy all the time. Most times this neediness comes from daddy issues, a broken family, or a string of really screwed up relationships, but this list is not exclusive.

Maybe your thinking, "hey my issues weren't on that list so I must not be the needy girl!" Well. Think again. 

You might be the needy girl if:

• You constantly text your boyfriend and he knows about how your dropped your phone on your face this morning and made you cry.
• You see him more than 4 times a week and you don't live or work together.
• You get worried if he doesn't respond after an hour and you don't know what he is doing.
• You have to know his schedule to know ALL the times you can do stuff together.
• You worry about every status he updates, when you know he was with you, but didn't mention you.
•  You constantly ask for love, attention, affirmation, or just time.

So are you a needy girl?

Well honestly. You probably are. Let's change that.

Being needy is okay to a point, everyone likes to know that someone is looking out for them and excited to see them. The problem is when it goes too far. You know that 8th time you texted him without a response? Yeah, that line. Where everything is telling you to not do it and you do it anyways. So what is too far? Well, that depends. You should start with honestly communication with your significant other. HONESTLY, ask questions like "do you feel like I am constantly watching over your shoulder?" and "could you use more alone time?" and whatever his response is respect it. It is okay for it to hurt a little too. As a girlfriend, I think it our responsibility to make sure that we respect our partners, sometimes this means taking a step back and making sure he still is able to have his alone time and guy time. Every s/o likes you being around to a point, but know where that is and be able to function without your s/o. He should not be your entire world. Use this free time to pick up a hobby or phone a friend. It is amazing to see how you both flourish when you have some time apart.

If you are the needy girl, your journey is not complete and I can't wait to see what you do next.

Lessons From A Leading Lady

Meg Ryan. A woman who was literally #goals for so many young ladies. How could someone be so amazing? Within some of her most amazing chick flick roles, she showed her flaws within relationships. By looking at three of her most iconic roles:

You've Got Mail

Sleepless in Seattle

and lasts but not least,

When Harry Met Sally.

4 things we can learn:

The Good:

1. Always ask for help. Never be so bold as to think you know everything.

2. Be YOURSELF. Be yourself and never apologize. Whether as Sally, Annie, or Kathleen Kelly, Meg Ryan stayed true to who she was and never apologized for her sass.



So, what could someone so perfect as Meg Ryan do wrong within a relationship?

The Bad:

3. Fate. Not everything that we do is scripted. We won't always know who will sleep us off our feet, and even we find it, it might not be exactly what we hoped it would.

4. Strangers Danger. Chatting online and radio shows may not be the best ways to meet men. There is real danger that does come from these circumstances. If you choose to do this, be aware. Meet in public places, and make sure someone knows where you are. Just be smart, okay? Okay.

When Harry Met Sally and Tried Friendship

When Harry Met Sally is a great example of chemistry. A "natural" attraction that starts as a challenge.

The Healthy:

1. Chemistry. Whether it be the good girl and bad boy, or two friends, sparks can always fly. Healthy relationships may not always start with sparks, but a true friendship foundation build chemistry.

2. Friendship. Being friends first is under rated these days, but knowing who someone is BEFORE you being a romantic relationship is a great way to refine your selections before anything happens. Once a relationship starts then a friendship is the foundation.

The Unhealthy:

1. Love Someone Else. So many times today people use loving someone else as an excuse for divorce or breaking up with someone. If you're in a relationship, be in the relationship. Invest. Don't going looking for an exit sign. Don't get me wrong there is definitely a time to leave if things really don't work, but try to save the relationship you have before starting a new one.

2. Rushing. There is this cheesy passage that says love is patient. But today we have to specify that, real love is patient. Talking time to feel out a potential relationship, or dating relationship before taking the next step is not a bad decision. Feel comfortable with what you are doing. If red flags are going on if could be a real signal, or false, you don't know unless you take the time to think about them and figure it out. It is okay to do so.

The Special:

When Harry Met Sally has a special time of growth. At the beginning of the story they immediately have chemistry, but after time their chemistry has grown for the last 12 years leaving both Harry and Sally desperate for each other. Love is supposed to grow over time.

 

Sleepless in Seattle

To be sleepless and hopeful for a chance is more than a girl can ask for.

The Healthy:

1. Love is Risk. By risking hurt Annie Reed was able to find something real. Over and over again she had been hurt. She had to put it all on the line to be on the Empire State Building, and look at what she gained. Within a relationship.

2. Go out on a Limb. Similar to #1. Jump in sometimes. Call into a radio show, put your heart out on the line. To start a relationship, one has to go outside their comfort zone. Once in a relationship, it is REALLY easy to forget to step outside their comfort zone for their partner. Compromise is a skill.

The Unhealthy:

1. Be Safe. Risk can be good, but ALWAYS use protection (; and not just for that. But risks need to be calculated. Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger.

2. Don't Let Others Run Your Love Life. Advice is good, and a push can be good, but sometimes it can go to far. Watch where your relationship is going and don't let other people's advice rule over what you want in your relationship.

The Special:

The Story. How a couple gets where it is today is always unique. Where did you come from, and where can you go? When you remember when you come from it reminds me why you fight for your relationship. Why you were willing to risk all that pain in the first place.

You've Got Mail & A Love Interest

"I hoped it was you."

In the classic chick flick, You've Got Mail,  Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks (maybe the most perfect couple ever) end up together after Tom Hanks uses manipulation to change Kathleen Kelly's (Meg Ryan) mind and, yep you guessed it, she fell for him.

Instead of the normal healthy, unhealthy, and special. I think we need to point something important out.

Manipulation is not a way to be in ANY relationship.

Manipulation and abuse, just don't work in a relationship. These things are not okay. IF someone if hurting you, it is not your fault. It isn't. There are no excuses for what they are doing to you. Get help and get out. You are better than that. It isn't about the history you have, it is about how you are being treated. You need to take care of yourself.

You deserve better.