The Needy Girl

So far this blog has been a lot of relationship analysis, but let's be real, girls can overthink anything they so choose-- so let's shift gears-- and go more into advice starting with, How to Quit Being the Needy Girl.

How to Quit Being the Needy Girl

Girls tend to be on two ends of the spectrum, I pretend I am not needy or I am needy all the time. Most times this neediness comes from daddy issues, a broken family, or a string of really screwed up relationships, but this list is not exclusive.

Maybe your thinking, "hey my issues weren't on that list so I must not be the needy girl!" Well. Think again. 

You might be the needy girl if:

• You constantly text your boyfriend and he knows about how your dropped your phone on your face this morning and made you cry.
• You see him more than 4 times a week and you don't live or work together.
• You get worried if he doesn't respond after an hour and you don't know what he is doing.
• You have to know his schedule to know ALL the times you can do stuff together.
• You worry about every status he updates, when you know he was with you, but didn't mention you.
•  You constantly ask for love, attention, affirmation, or just time.

So are you a needy girl?

Well honestly. You probably are. Let's change that.

Being needy is okay to a point, everyone likes to know that someone is looking out for them and excited to see them. The problem is when it goes too far. You know that 8th time you texted him without a response? Yeah, that line. Where everything is telling you to not do it and you do it anyways. So what is too far? Well, that depends. You should start with honestly communication with your significant other. HONESTLY, ask questions like "do you feel like I am constantly watching over your shoulder?" and "could you use more alone time?" and whatever his response is respect it. It is okay for it to hurt a little too. As a girlfriend, I think it our responsibility to make sure that we respect our partners, sometimes this means taking a step back and making sure he still is able to have his alone time and guy time. Every s/o likes you being around to a point, but know where that is and be able to function without your s/o. He should not be your entire world. Use this free time to pick up a hobby or phone a friend. It is amazing to see how you both flourish when you have some time apart.

If you are the needy girl, your journey is not complete and I can't wait to see what you do next.

Batman v Superman: Superman and Lois Lane’s Relationship

A movie with so many bad reviews, left one positive fact in my head, OMG they just so totally did an amazing job portraying the playfulness and depth of a relationship. Out of all the things that Batman v Superman did wrong (like the whole thing) they should get points for Clark Kent and Lois Lane’s Relationship. Coming out of Man of Steel,  I had some advice that it seems like they took.

             

Healthy:

1.                   Defined Boundaries. I was so excited to see that in BvS they had Clark Kent and Lois Lane in a defined relationship. Living together. Being there for each other. Whether or not they should be doing this before they are married is a different question, but I’ll just make the comment that most couples that cohabitate before marriage end up divorced. (Wanna know more? Let me know in the comments and I would love to chat.)

2.                   Family Matters. Lois and Clark are in a committed relationship. They have given each other everything, and so after Lois is safe, he goes to save his mommy. Family is important and it is important that your family and s/o (significant other) work towards having a good relationship (or at least can be civil).

Unhealthy:

1.     1.                    The world is more important than your relationship. There is a certain amount of perspective we can lose in a relationship. If your job is on the line and your relationship is good, you should be at work (not abandoning the world for your world). BUT LIKE, that scene though. Directly after he saved her, and he’s like “you’re my world” I may or may not have died. Perspective is good. Cheese is better in movies.

2.     2.                  Friends are Important. Throughout your relationship at every stage, friends are important. You need to have someone outside of your s/o to be able to talk to. You should have a friend (I recommend same gender) to be able to go to in times of trouble. Your s/o is not Superman who can’t save you if you’re pushed off a roof, but we can’t have everything we want. So make friends so they can have your back, and you can have theirs.

Special:

Relationships are somewhere where you can have fun, be yourself, and just be a little crazy sometimes. The scene where you can see Clark trying to beat Lois home to make her dinner is so sweet, instead he ends up jumping into a bathtub with her while being fully clothed. This playfulness and fun is unique to their relationship, but an element of fun and sweetness should be in every relationship.

Relationships aren’t easy. They always come from a lot of hard work and making the tough choices. Superman choose his relationship when he hit “pause” on the battle and went to save Lois from drowning.

Lessons From A Leading Lady

Meg Ryan. A woman who was literally #goals for so many young ladies. How could someone be so amazing? Within some of her most amazing chick flick roles, she showed her flaws within relationships. By looking at three of her most iconic roles:

You've Got Mail

Sleepless in Seattle

and lasts but not least,

When Harry Met Sally.

4 things we can learn:

The Good:

1. Always ask for help. Never be so bold as to think you know everything.

2. Be YOURSELF. Be yourself and never apologize. Whether as Sally, Annie, or Kathleen Kelly, Meg Ryan stayed true to who she was and never apologized for her sass.



So, what could someone so perfect as Meg Ryan do wrong within a relationship?

The Bad:

3. Fate. Not everything that we do is scripted. We won't always know who will sleep us off our feet, and even we find it, it might not be exactly what we hoped it would.

4. Strangers Danger. Chatting online and radio shows may not be the best ways to meet men. There is real danger that does come from these circumstances. If you choose to do this, be aware. Meet in public places, and make sure someone knows where you are. Just be smart, okay? Okay.

When Harry Met Sally and Tried Friendship

When Harry Met Sally is a great example of chemistry. A "natural" attraction that starts as a challenge.

The Healthy:

1. Chemistry. Whether it be the good girl and bad boy, or two friends, sparks can always fly. Healthy relationships may not always start with sparks, but a true friendship foundation build chemistry.

2. Friendship. Being friends first is under rated these days, but knowing who someone is BEFORE you being a romantic relationship is a great way to refine your selections before anything happens. Once a relationship starts then a friendship is the foundation.

The Unhealthy:

1. Love Someone Else. So many times today people use loving someone else as an excuse for divorce or breaking up with someone. If you're in a relationship, be in the relationship. Invest. Don't going looking for an exit sign. Don't get me wrong there is definitely a time to leave if things really don't work, but try to save the relationship you have before starting a new one.

2. Rushing. There is this cheesy passage that says love is patient. But today we have to specify that, real love is patient. Talking time to feel out a potential relationship, or dating relationship before taking the next step is not a bad decision. Feel comfortable with what you are doing. If red flags are going on if could be a real signal, or false, you don't know unless you take the time to think about them and figure it out. It is okay to do so.

The Special:

When Harry Met Sally has a special time of growth. At the beginning of the story they immediately have chemistry, but after time their chemistry has grown for the last 12 years leaving both Harry and Sally desperate for each other. Love is supposed to grow over time.

 

Sleepless in Seattle

To be sleepless and hopeful for a chance is more than a girl can ask for.

The Healthy:

1. Love is Risk. By risking hurt Annie Reed was able to find something real. Over and over again she had been hurt. She had to put it all on the line to be on the Empire State Building, and look at what she gained. Within a relationship.

2. Go out on a Limb. Similar to #1. Jump in sometimes. Call into a radio show, put your heart out on the line. To start a relationship, one has to go outside their comfort zone. Once in a relationship, it is REALLY easy to forget to step outside their comfort zone for their partner. Compromise is a skill.

The Unhealthy:

1. Be Safe. Risk can be good, but ALWAYS use protection (; and not just for that. But risks need to be calculated. Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger.

2. Don't Let Others Run Your Love Life. Advice is good, and a push can be good, but sometimes it can go to far. Watch where your relationship is going and don't let other people's advice rule over what you want in your relationship.

The Special:

The Story. How a couple gets where it is today is always unique. Where did you come from, and where can you go? When you remember when you come from it reminds me why you fight for your relationship. Why you were willing to risk all that pain in the first place.

You've Got Mail & A Love Interest

"I hoped it was you."

In the classic chick flick, You've Got Mail,  Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks (maybe the most perfect couple ever) end up together after Tom Hanks uses manipulation to change Kathleen Kelly's (Meg Ryan) mind and, yep you guessed it, she fell for him.

Instead of the normal healthy, unhealthy, and special. I think we need to point something important out.

Manipulation is not a way to be in ANY relationship.

Manipulation and abuse, just don't work in a relationship. These things are not okay. IF someone if hurting you, it is not your fault. It isn't. There are no excuses for what they are doing to you. Get help and get out. You are better than that. It isn't about the history you have, it is about how you are being treated. You need to take care of yourself.

You deserve better.

Before Batman vs Superman: Man of Steel and a Lovely Lady

Superman and Lois Lane in The Man of Steel had a flirtationship. This undefined relationship without boundaries is built on trust and attraction. When Lois first meets Clark, she is trying to write a story about Superman, she knows it is him and chooses to trust him. When Lois chose to commit to Clark through keeping his secret their relationship truly begins. When he chooses to save her their relationship grows.

Their relationship, like every relationship, healthy, unhealthy, and special parts.

So what are they?

The Healthy:

- Superman and Mrs. Lane are both committed to the same values and have the same desires. They walk around Metropolis and work on making it a better place by fighting through the rough parts. Superman physically and Lois through reporting and working alongside the army to fight back.

- Their relationship has a bit of distance that allows both of them to partner together and grow alongside each other while still pursing their own strengths. Lois doesn't try to fly or be a superhero, instead she embraces the type of superhero she can be by using the gifts and talents that she possesses. 

The Unhealthy:

- Trust has not been earned. Their relationship is based on initial trust, without knowing anything about each other. Trust is one of the deepest parts of a relationship. You can only work with people who you trust. They trust each other, but does that mean that the trust is something they can rely upon? Lois is arrested by the FBI and puts everything on the line for a guy she doesn't really know.

- Where do they stand? Lois and Clark both have sent signals of affection but at no point did they establish boundaries. At the end of the movie, Lois rejects a coworker's date offer. Are Lois and Clark dating? No. Are they exclusive? Maybe? By not being on the same page someone will get hurt. Know where you stand.

Special Part:

- The deep founded trust and commitment may not be earned, but the fact that they can work together through whatever happens and protect each other is special. They work together and are always presented to be on the same page supporting each other. It is something truly special.

Is there another movie couple you would like to hear about? Let me know in the comments!

10 Quotes Where Fictional Relations Became Non-Fiction

Within each fictional relationship that should have been, or was, we can learn valuable lessons of how we can make our dating relationships stronger. These 10 quotes teach us valuable lessons about how to love better.

1. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." - Moulin Rouge

          Love is something we have to learn constantly. Love is a choice that we work at all the time.

2. "We accept the love we think we deserve." - The Perks of Being A Wallflower

           Everyone has baggage. When in a relationship we have remember where our partner is at and be able to come alongside them to be able to help them where they are and show them love.

3. "Even if love is full of thorns, I'd still embrace it, for I know that in between those thorns there is a rose worth all the pain." - Sleeping Beauty

           Relationships will have heartache. There is going to be pain, but with that pain comes something more beautiful. By embracing the good and the bad comes intimacy.

4. “So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me - every day.” - The Notebook

            Love isn't easy. It is something that both partners have to commit to and work towards.

5. "You had me at hello." - Jerry Maguire

             Even when love is hard, remembering why you're involved and everything you have been through.

6. "Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine." - Casablanca

             Love is opportune. We have have to remember to seize the day.

7. "I love her and that's the beginning of everything." - The Great Gatsby

8. "You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." - Gone With the Wind

              Showing love is just as important as feeling it. Communication is key, right? So telling your partner and showing them is important. Appreciate who they are and their commitment to you.

9. "Most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you." - Dirty Dancing

10. "Don't you understand that everything I do, I do it for you? Anything that might be special in me, is you." - Great Expectations


             Being together allows you both to shine. Being in a relationship allows both partners to highlight their talents and grow each other.

Fictional characters remind us so much of the best parts of the relationship that could be. Love teaches us to seize the day and build each other up. There are so many real lessons to be learned from the things we do not see as real. Most of the time, we need this characters to remind us how good it can be.